Rusty Thoughts

So I recieved a drunk email response to a casting for a new TV show I sent out. It’s actually so incredible I feel the need to share it:

“all the things she saidrunning though my head running threw my head=20

god so im stillll so drunk

where is this thing on??

i really dont want to go

but i found a top hat last night



i like top hats


can i be on the show


(lyrics) this is not enought, what what (end lyrics)


do you like tatu too?


I love the eurovision

help, so dunk stlllll
and im stl drinking=20



so where is this thing

be fast


super fast


really reallyyy fast


code word shoes!

fiver yeas fom ow she tunsn the t guess who she see? …. hewas skaker boi she said ill see you later boi


„„„„„„„ we are all staring at the emails and the vodka is running out. 


we are gonnnna leave now


hesjust a boi and im just a girl

have you herd how we rock  each others world?


do youwant a tail
id love one
like you could hold taills
with your girlfriend
or your could “tail her! 
its one step down from fingering

wild thing you make my heart sing…. wild think i think i love you
but i wanna know forsure

we gottaet food im so sory
but im like a nerd


you make everytng grouvy

im irih


cuintus bothar calainn banne
we cant but the fadas on
wild thing
you mae 
my head sing

they siad u in spannish toshow im multi cultrual
but i know no spanish
im sorry
but im honest

im a postgrad btw


thats bad

i know you want the wild thangs



do do do 
hey gil where do yo go 
days were the ranin games
down at the hallows playng an ew game

inhtemisty water fall
ahhhh my hearst a juping woth you my browned yed girl
your my brown eyed gorl

what happ ned tsedays was so slpwn

radio

walk

slipping and liding 

all alongwith ethe wanterfall with you
yu my bronwn eyed girl
dp u rememmber when?
we used to skin


helppppp
im a fast typer

i study microbiology

i love ecoli 


its gramnengitive
neg for th win

we wont tell yoyu bout hte tme i got the shits


we usted to sing shall shalll la lal te da
llla la lal te da


so do you ever think you have to many toes?
ten is  so many
i could happly live with 8
dont get me wrong
im not some 8 toed freak
but like come on
10 
really?
pffft
 did i tell you i was microbiolist?
ecoli doest have ten toes


imnot normall tis cos
i usually play then nintendo 64
i was gonna type n 64 but i didnt think you wuld undersand

i gota 
do you know tesco?



god were is love?




this is what i posted on my dating profile las night



m so drunk
al the hings you siD RUNNING THOUGHT MY HYEAD. THE IS NOT ENOUGHT WY WAHRT ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo drunk

wanna be m y girlfrend
i love m y girl reinds but u a goooodddd one is os had to tooooooooooooooooooooo fib a

alll the things you sai runninn though t ym7 head

wha tt

waht twaht

what

wart

alll thte ihngs you aids
al te h tinhs

tell ,e what oyu seeee

yes i see
lookng ell i see
i crosededc my mind

all the thie ings you sild

lll the stiegns you siad
tgis isis nenoghyt

wht th a3
this is noit eenigtut

tall thie is you sid

wANNNA BE MY G
F

PLEASE
SO DRINKq

yes ive datng rofile



and love tatu

so we are geting pizza

peace out
i lveo top hats

Kind regards

KARL”

My Response:

“Dear Karl,

I cannot deny, the emails you sent me last night (and probably don’t remember in doing so) were incredibly entertaining to read. Unfortunately the castings today were cancelled. However, what I did learn from you is:

- You are a fan of Tatu, Jimi Hendrix, Van Morrison and Avril Lavigne. 
- You found a top hat - congratulations, they are expensive AND fashionable
- You also like Eurovision, only 2 months left to wait
- You’re Irish and don’t speak Spanish? You’ll hate me, I’m English.
- You’re a fast typer - Mate, I have a diploma in touch typing. I will thrash you.
- You are a postgrad microbiologist who thinks he has too many toes
- Thanks for not telling me about the time you got the shits
- You play N64. Kudos to that. I am a serious N64 gamer, I’m currently working my way through Banjo Kazooie.
- I do know Tesco.
- You have a dating profile. You are looking for a girlfriend you can ‘tail’ but they’re hard to find.
- You’re buying me pizza? Great. I’ll have mine with chicken, sweetcorn and rocket please.

Kind regards”

How the hell am I supposed to catch up on the past 6 months of our lives with my nearest and dearest with ONE coffee?!?

Impossible.

So I survived the overnight Megabus from Glasgow to London.

Definitely the worst trip I’ve had.

The coach was so sweaty when I got on my glasses steamed up. I had a bad enough time trying not to wretch cause of the smell without the added help of being sat next to a bloke who kept on phlegming into a plastic bag about once a minute.

Thank God I had the soothing voice of Patrick Watson to keep me calm and managed to tear through a good part of my book ‘Dark Matters’ - so far it’s brilliant! Major points to my flatmate for lending it to me.

My Dad has booked a dentist appointment for me on Monday at 2:30pm.

Always a joker..